Tangible Objects.
When moving out of the family home you may decide which worldly goods you are going to take with you. Some people take only a suitcase full of clothing, others may want a sofa, or their collection of vinyl records. Tangible goods are obvious, real and can be seen. The whole process can be immensely painful and full of regret and nostalgia. Are you going to take your family heirlooms? Do you leave everything behind and start again?
The less tangible.
Let’s think about the less tangible. What about routines and traditions? Will you still get the Chinese takeaway on a Friday, go for pizza midweek? What happens when your child / children come to stay, will you keep the old family routines? Children are adaptable and resilient and can accept new circumstances, however, they also find comfort in routine and the familiar.
What routines would you like to keep? You may need to think about bedtime and morning rituals, time for homework etc. Think of the little things, the minute details. At their other home, do they fold their pyjamas under the pillow, do they have special toothpaste etc? Do they like cereal for breakfast and a certain type of orange juice?
Following religious observance.
Your old life may have included your children going to church (temple, mosque etc) at the weekend. You may benefit from a discussion with your ex regarding religious observance. Will you still take your children to services when they are staying with you? Do you feel you should have to spend your time following something you don’t necessarily believe in? Will you still follow your children’s strict religious dietary requirements?
Planned and regular sports and social engagements.
What about sports commitments, will you still take your child to their Sunday morning rugby lesson or the birthday party they have been invited to? Will you slot into their weekend plans or demand that they slot into yours?
It isn’t always convenient or affordable to live around the corner from your old life. What if you live more than an hour away? Can you see your children at weekends and keep up with their normal routines?
A good balance may be to stick to some of the old routines but start your own new traditions.
