Key thoughts, tips and practical help on creating a happy blended family. Let’s get the basics right. Plan now to increase your chance of success.

You may go from being married with children to a single parent to married or partnered again with children and stepchildren. For some this can happen at lightning speed. That is a lot of change and an awful lot to expect your child to navigate. So, how do you successfully plan, execute and cope with being in a blended family? How do you measure success?

There’s no rush

If just one point could be taken from this blog, then let it be this one. Don’t Rush. You are potentially setting yourself up for failure if you barge right into everyone’s lives and demand that they start loving each other. It’s not to say that your children will never love your new partner or their kids but it is an emotion they are probably not feeling at the start. Do you want this to be long term? Then slow down, play the long game with plenty of love, humility, patience and understanding.

Be practical

Have you thought about how this is going to work? How are you going to introduce your children to your new partner or their kids? Have you started thinking about living together? What do you need to consider? Some children may be permanently in residence, some may only be the occasional day or sleepover. How are you going to ensure that they all feel loved, have their needs met and feel special? Does everyone have space? Are they sharing? Consider the ages of the children, teenagers have different needs than toddlers.

Parenting Strategies

Try to work out the rules in advance with your new partner. How are you going to parent? Who disciplines? The complexities and decisions need to be agreed upon away from the kids. Are you both on the same page or are your parenting styles very different? You may express your love in very different style than your partner. You are most definitely going to hear, ‘you are not my dad’ at some point and usually screamed in anger. Be prepared – your children may actively dislike your new partner and are invested in the relationship failing. Plan and anticipate, to increase the chances of the new relationship succeeding.

Your child’s other parent

The success of your new relationship and blended family can be seriously impeded by your ex. It may all pivot on their happiness. If they are unhappily alone and unpartnered they can have a serious impact on your children. Even if they have emotionally and practically moved on and are trying to blend a new family this too can have a serious effect. Your children can become little vessels carrying emotions from one house to another, they have worries and feelings and may not want to have to share your love with others.

Just be a dad

You’re asking your children to accept and be happy with a lot of change. It is hard and if they are over ten years old or worse, a teenager, it may be excruciating for them. You are the parent with the adult brain and need to manage this situation with compassion and patience. Additionally, the overall responsibility for your child and their wellbeing starts and ends with you. It is understandable if your children just want to be with their dad. Can you put in place time just for you and your children? It is ok and perfectly normal for your children just to want to be with you alone sometimes. Can you plan for this to happen?