How many times have you heard, ‘Merry Christmas’ or ‘Happy New Year’ over the last few weeks? How did you jump from happiness to divorce so quickly?
It may seem that gaiety and laughter emanated from every over-decorated house across the country except yours. For some families, happiness died this Christmas. Their Christmas will end with divorce and separation.
Today (the first Monday of the year) is Divorce Day. It is also the Epiphany, it’s an important day in the Christian calendar, with the arrival of the three kings bringing gifts to the new born infant. It may also be the day that you perhaps have your own epiphany.
What a depressing thought. It’s a day of action for thousands of couples who found the enforced jollity and togetherness of Christmas unbearable. It’s Divorce Day. If you believe the press and statistics, today is the day when people will find a family lawyer and arrange a first meeting to start the divorce process. How sad this day is, I want to name it ‘Broken Dreams Day’ or for some, it may be ‘Get Real Day’.
Before you jump – do the work.
The Christmas decorations should be put away by now, the children should be in school. It doesn’t have to be your Divorce Day. Now is the time to do the emotional work. Before you have that appointment with your lawyer, take some time to process your feelings. Is your marriage over? For some, it may be that their marriage is finished, and Christmas may have been the final straw. For others, it may mean you have to change how you celebrate Christmas rather than change your spouse.
Some marriages thrive on spending time apart, they work because the couple see very little of each other. You can’t escape your spouse at Christmas, you don’t get to spend time with your ‘Work Wife’, and there are no flirtatious exchanges with colleagues. It is just you and your family.
Christmas often means In-laws. You may avoid them all year, but the festivities may bring a long-protracted stay of your partner’s parents. It may seem that they are everywhere, listening, commenting, snide remarks, little digs etc. You perhaps have to stop spending time with your in-laws at Christmas rather than end your marriage. Do you want this to be the reason you get a divorce?
The debt of Christmas.
What’s the cost of your Christmas? Have you fallen into the matching pyjamas Instagram trap and why do you have to buy six new pairs each year? Overspending can put pressure on your marriage and seriously damage your bank balance. Is overspending necessary to have a good time? The cost of Christmas can drag on well into the new year and can seriously damage your marriage.
I repeat – do the work.
Divorce is huge and will cause irrevocable change in your life. It might be necessary but what can start as a general feeling of malaise can turn into a monster of lawyers, court dates, finances, forms etc. Just because today is known as Divorce Day, it doesn’t mean that you have to start yours today. Talk to your spouse, talk to a trusted friend, talk to a Relationship Coach. Take your time and have compassion for yourself and others.
Divorce may be unavoidable but make sure it is considered.
