Divorce may be full of trauma. Marriage doesn’t start that way.
It is fair to say that in most circumstances, the bride and groom do not consider divorce on their wedding day. On this, the happiest of days, most things are perfect. However, a perfect wedding day isn’t a guarantee of an ideal, trouble-free marriage.
Roughly four in ten marriages in the UK end in divorce. Even though the divorce rate has been falling, the figures are still disappointing. How can something that starts with such promise end so badly?
So, if you find yourself in the unlucky position of the forty percenters, how do you take care of yourself and overcome and survive your divorce?
The end of the marriage.
If your marriage is well and truly over, if all the fights, separations and makeups are done, it may be time to get on with the divorce. It is good to be prepared as even the best of separations can be hard on your mind, body and well-being.
The trauma of divorce can manifest in many ways. It can come out as emotional or physical trauma. Emotions can vary from shame, depression, devastation etc. Physical trauma can manifest as stomach pains, the inability to eat etc. Fatigue and aches and pains can leave people bedbound and unable to process everyday life.
People may experience changes in behaviour that are not usual, and this can vary from irritability to promiscuity to lack of sleep. Even gentle, peaceful people can exhibit aggressive behaviour and explosions of short temper whilst going through a divorce.
Hopefully your friends and family will be understanding of your situation. However, the person at the grocery counter or the guy who accidentally bumps into you in the street might not be so happy if you start screaming at them.
Look after yourself.
It is important to look after your health during times of extreme stress. Friends and family (and even strangers) will no doubt tell you to do so. However, it is not so easy to remember good advice when your world is falling apart.
If you can, you need to get regular sleep. A healthy seven hours a night will ensure you face the day and your problems without feeling exhausted. Consistent and sensible eating with a balanced diet is advised.
If you aren’t the resident parent, you may find divorce and separation lonely. Join a gym and exercise regularly rather than propping up the bar in the local pub.
People may offer you advice, and you may even learn all about their troubles and divorces. Try to be discerning and selective about what and whom you listen to. Divorce is not the time to be bitter, and well-meaning advice from people can leave you feeling quite angry with your ex-spouse.
If you need to talk, find a neutral ear. Talk to a relationship coach, therapist, priest, counsellor etc. Friends and family may lack a balanced opinion when it comes to your divorce.
Gather the important people in your life. Let them know how they can be of service. Tell them what you need from them. You know when you need extra support and when you need to be left alone.
