I have struggled lately and feel I may have lost my way a little. Being an adult can be tricky and sometimes it feels that every few years I am operating and experiencing adulthood without a certificate. When this happens to me (and it often does), I go back to basics. I take thirty minutes out of my schedule, make myself a cup of Earl Grey, and deeply study the photograph of myself as a child.

This photograph is of me at nine years old (or at least sometime before I had my haircut at ten). This is me before life took its hold. This is the back-to-basics me. At nine, I was pure, honest, innocent and had a clear (if childlike) set of values and morals.

I often find it hard to feel love and compassion for my present-day adult self, however, I find it much easier to care for the little girl in the photo. So, when life is hard, I make decisions on her behalf.

My parents are no longer alive, so I must remember to parent myself. When things are difficult, I sit quietly and imagine speaking to my mum. If I concentrate hard enough, I can almost hear her voice giving me advice. My mother is someone who would have put my needs first.

In times of relationship stress and divorce, it can be difficult to consider your own needs. This can become even harder to do if you feel guilt for the part you played in the breakup/ relationship problems. In separation everybody deserves consideration. Breakups are hard but they should be fair for everyone to be able to move forward and find peace.

If you are struggling today, try the thirty-minute exercise. Find a photo of your younger self and start remembering who you were/are. Start being kind to yourself.

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