Photos
This is my family wall and it’s a work in progress. It’s a hodgepodge of photographs and whatnot from my life. I have to find space for two new family members as we welcomed new babies this year. On the wall there’s many of my family members who are no longer alive. My parents will never grow older but remain the age of their last photograph. There are no more updated photos of them, and I can’t bear the thought of replacing them to find space.
There’s photos of my children, our step children, our lovely siblings, their partners, our parents and our nephews and nieces. There’s great wedding photos and family holiday memories.
My wall has photos from my solo 50th trip to Sri Lanka. It’s a daily reminder of my ‘do it now or I’ll die’ trip. This is the jaunt that I had to allow myself permission to take, and it helped me to remember that I am an individual and my own person. It was a great mid-life reset and I love to see the photos on display.
Sitting directly on my desk is a photo of the eight-year-old version of me. I’m reminded of more innocent times and when needed, it helps me to work on my inner child. This photo sits next to two fake pink roses, these decrepit blooms aren’t stylish and are brittle with age. Again, I think I was eight when I spent my pocket money to buy them for my mum. Unsurprisingly, they sat in a vase in her bedroom for years and I reclaimed them when she died. As I age, I become more reflective, my family wall helps me look at my past as well as where I am heading.
Artwork.
There’s cherished birthday artwork on the wall made by my boys when they were little. They are amongst the first things I see when I look up from my computer. I am grateful that my husband took the time to help them create something special for me.
I love my affirmation prints bought years ago at Fremantle Market. They mean nothing to anybody else in the house, but this is my wall, and this is me.
There’s a portrait in pastel created and given to me by a co-worker in Hays, Kansas from thirty years ago – thank you Ralph V Sparks (a man of very few words) for one of the most thoughtful gifts anyone has ever given to me. I am reminded of being twenty-one, and having anticipation of the life still to come.
Lastly, (and most importantly) there’s a small print from the shop at the Whitney Museum, a gift from my husband. It is precious, and it displays in words what he finds so hard to express.
Why my wall?
No life and no marriage is perfect. Blended families bring extra love but extra complications. This is my wall in my office and it represents the good parts of my life. When it all becomes difficult (and it can happen often), I stand next to it and bask in the evidence that there’s lots of love in this home and in this family. I occasionally need a reminder and a reason to be grateful.
I reflect that as well as being responsible for my own happiness, I am also part responsible for this family we have created. I’m my own person as well as a cog in the machine of our family. I can travel solo to Sri Lanka but still need to somehow be present as a wife, a mum, a stepmum and all the other roles I fulfil.
Your options.
Sometimes staying married isn’t an option and if your partner wants a divorce there’s a good chance that eventually they will get one. You can’t force someone to love you and in the long term you can’t force someone to stay married to you.
When considering leaving your marriage, take your time and try not to make dramatic decisions. Take a look at your own family wall (metaphorical or real). Open the keepsake box on your shelf and view snapshots of the life you have created. Work out what is ultimately best for you and your family. If divorce is inevitable, find a way to protect the people you love as much as possible. Even in a difficult divorce it is worth remembering that your actions affect more than just yourself. You too are also a cog in your family machine.
