The little things.

In a separation or divorce the little thing can cause massive arguments. These little things can often be avoided with a little thought and organisation. First ask yourself if you are deliberately wanting to rile your ex-partner to cause a fight. If the answer is a resounding ‘no’ then you had better get your act together. The consequence of getting the small practical things wrong can be huge for the relationship you have with your child.

The practical side of looking after children may not come naturally to you. Did your ex oversee this side of your relationship? How will you cope being alone with a small human? If this is not the case, get help, do your homework, and fake it until you make it.

The age of your child.

First and foremost, the age of your child matters greatly. A tiny baby’s requirements need a lot more forethought and organisation. Babies need a whole bag of ‘things’ to simply survive. Whereas life won’t cease if you don’t have any food in the house for a teenager. Older children can mostly be relied on to know their own needs and requirements.

The length of the visit and the kit you will need.

Let’s think about the length of time you are spending with your child. Will they eat meals with you? Will they sleep over? Do you have everything you need at your house?

As a mother of two small babies I carried a bag with milk, sterilised bottles, a muslin, nappies, wipes, sudocrem, infant calpol, spoon, teething powder, spare clothing, changing mat, nappy bags, blanket, outdoor clothing. The bag was huge but I was prepared for any emergency. I remember the day I first realised that I no longer needed the baby bag, we had visited a play centre, and I had no spare anything! What an achievement. The boys could eat from the café, use the bathroom etc. They most likely returned home grubby, but it was a sign in our household that their needs were changing.

Children of school age have different requirements. They can determine when they are hungry, they may not always be honest when they are sleepy, and they may need help remembering that they have homework. As they get older, dietary requirements may change. Vegetarianism and Veganism may crop up when you have cooked sausages for dinner. Teenagers experiment and things change over time. Our fridge now has many types of milk when the whole family is in residence.

Adaptation.

Adaptation is key. Do your homework, be prepared, and then be prepared to change your plans if needed. Things should get easier with your ex if they can start to trust you. Parenting isn’t easy but with practice it can become fun.

Helpful note to all dads – Always have a spare toothbrush at your house and be open minded.